“Can I Buy a Ring for Myself?” Yes! But Not Until You Do This First
Are you wondering, “Can I buy myself a ring?” Here’s what you need to do to get your money – and mindset – in the right place first.
This article was originally published on a WordPress blog that I’ve retired in favor of Substack. Thanks for reading!
So, you’ve got some money burning a hole in your pocket and your heart set on a sparkly something. But you’re struggling to answer the question, “Can I buy myself a ring?”
The simple answer is probably “Yes!” – but there are a few things you need to do beforehand to get your money and mindset in the right place.
First, remember to save wisely before buying something sparkly
Every day we’re inundated with messages about saving money and getting out of debt. We know that we’re supposed to aggressively pay off our student loans, contribute to our retirement funds, tackle outstanding credit card debt, save for a down payment… the list goes on!
Of course, all of these financial responsibilities, savings categories, and debt concerns should always come first before we start eyeing up that next incoming paycheck.
But if you’re in a comfortable place financially, you are totally okay to set some of your disposable income aside for something sparkly. If you’re making enough money to cover your living expenses, repay your debts, and contribute a healthy amount to savings and retirement without going into a panic, it’s fine to treat yourself to something that feels like a splurge.
But it’s not a great idea to buy higher-value trinkets on a whim all the time. Expensive impulse buys will probably throw off your budget and use up the money you might have had for other, perhaps more meaningful wants and needs.
The trick is to set aside some “fun money” for higher-value purchases ahead of time. You could set up an automatic weekly transfer to a separate bank account, or just factor in a monthly allocation that will go towards growing your jewelry fund. This will help keep your regular cash flow healthy and will help you plan out your purchases.
Now, you want to buy yourself a ring? There’s one more thing…
You might be eyeing up a glittering diamond ring, a self-love ring, some birthstone bling, a right-hand ring, or some sleek stacking bands. Whatever it is, if your finances are all in order and you’re still asking yourself, “Can I buy myself a ring?” there’s one more thing you need to do.
But what is it? Well, if you don’t mind taking the scenic route, I’ll share a few scenes from my own experiences to explain.
I spent pretty much all of college, grad school, and a variety of unpredictable jobs in between operating under a hyper-frugal mentality. That meant limiting myself to fast-fashion pieces in an affordable price range, with some unfortunate but cheap impulse buys that didn’t really mesh with my everyday style.
Once I started to get on my feet financially, I had a hard time giving myself permission to buy nicer, things. Whenever I bought a higher-priced accessory or something nice to wear, I carried around a load of guilt about them being “irresponsible” splurges — even if I knew I would get a ton of use out of them for years to come.
But then I realized that spending on myself is not irresponsible. In partnership with my husband, I’m meeting all of my financial obligations and have budgeted a certain amount for “fun money” each week.
Do you value quality over quantity?
When it comes to jewelry, I want well-crafted pieces that will last – not just until next season, but for generations to come. I’m aiming to build my ring collection with fine jewelry pieces in timeless styles – not cheap costume jewelry that dulls down, turns my skin green, and falls apart after being worn and loved.
I’m sometimes a creature of habit and like to wear the same accessories ALL the time. If they fit perfectly with the rest of my wardrobe and really feel like “me,” of course I’ll keep picking them out of my jewelry box! But I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been disappointed about a piece of fashion jewelry letting me down.
(As I write this, I’m wearing my favorite tassel necklace which is unfortunately held together by a safety pin – and that’s not meant to be a fashion statement.)
It’s definitely fun to have some trendy pieces of jewelry to play with in my accessories collection, but I’m eager to mix and match them with classic pieces that will last. I've never had great experiences with fashion rings, so I've never worn them.
My interest in quality over quantity is one of the factors leading me to fine jewelry rather than fashion jewelry. Maybe you feel the same way! But heirloom-quality gold isn’t exactly cheap, and that takes some getting used to.
Is this what’s holding you back?
My penny-pinching side has always believed that buying anything over $50 is a thing. If I see a $50-plus price tag on pretty much anything, I’ll do some extra soul-searching to figure out whether I need or genuinely want it, whether it’s good value, and so forth.
I still do this and aim to be responsible about my spending habits. But the important thing is that I no longer believe a few false narratives that have come with being ultra-frugal.
There’s a little voice inside my head that sometimes says I’m not worthy of buying anything over $50 for myself. That I don’t deserve anything that comes with a higher price tag – especially not if it’s just for fun. It says that I’m not good enough to gain pleasure and enjoyment out of something “frivolous” that costs money.
I’m not entirely sure where these value systems and narratives came from. But you know what? It doesn’t matter. These days, I’m reminding myself that this unkind, unhelpful little voice can "talk to the hand" whenever it creeps up on me.
I work hard, manage my money responsibly, and budget so that I have “fun money” to spare. Of course, I know money and things don’t buy happiness. But I also know that I gain a lot of pleasure in dressing in a way that feels self-affirming. I know that I feel a huge sense of comfort and connection to loved ones when I wear new and old heirloom jewels.
I DO deserve it, I AM worthy, I am BEYOND good enough!!! And you are too, lovely reader!
Here’s the thing... you need to give yourself permission
About those false narratives of mine — you might have some of your own that are holding you back. Maybe they relate to your relationship with money or your self-worth – or maybe they’re about something else.
You could be stuck thinking that you have to wait for a man to buy a ring for you. (Pro tip: you don’t!) Or, you might be worried your friends and family will judge you for buying yourself a ring. They might say it’s frivolous or expensive, or weird that you’re not waiting around for some guy.
Does it really matter, though? They’re probably just jealous of your new jewels and your self-confidence.
If you’re here reading this article searching for the answer to your question, “Can I buy a ring for myself?” what you may be looking for is some external validation. While I will happily provide that for you — YES, DARLING, YOU CAN BUY YOURSELF A RING! DO IT, DO IT! — chances are, that won’t actually help.
What you really have to work on is granting yourself permission to spend money on the things you want and have earned. If you’re wondering, “Can I buy myself a ring?” and YOU answer back, “Hell yeah!” then your mind will actually be at ease. You won’t stress out and feel guilty and anxious about your jewelry purchase when you shouldn’t. You won't get bogged down by worries about what other people will think or whether you're undeserving.
Instead, you’ll feel really good about the transaction. And, you'll feel totally guilt-free about the sparkly new ring which signifies just how strong and independent you are.
Go on then, buy a ring for your damn self!
I can’t talk about this topic without mentioning the affordable jewelry brand Mejuri and their recent marketing campaign, #formydamnself. You may have seen it pop up on Instagram or the walls of the subway.
Basically, the “For My Damn Self” campaign urges women to practice self-love – and treat themselves to glittering gold and diamonds in the process. Without waiting for a special someone to do it, without worrying about what others might think, and without perpetuating false narratives about self-worth. While it’s definitely a clever campaign designed to sell, the message actually reaches customers in a meaningful way.
A quick scroll through the Instagram comments reveals plenty of real praise: “Love this campaign!” “Really resonated with me.” “Thanks for always encouraging women.”
It’s clear that customers appreciate the message of empowerment. It’s not just a hollow message to them. Nor is it a perpetuation of the idea that you need external validation to buy jewelry for yourself. Instead, it acts as a pep-talk encouraging you to work towards granting yourself internal validation to do something nice. Something like buying yourself a ring or another piece of fine jewelry that has meaning for you.
Purchasing a ring for yourself – or any other special, high-quality item – definitely takes some financial planning and the right mindset. But once you’re there, it’s well worth it.